Muncie, Indiana - A cop drives up to the closed, creepy Elysian Fields Hotel. Walking through the place with a flashlight, calling hello, he passes a dead tulip plant that comes back to life. Looking at himself in a cracked mirror, someone comes up behind him who leaves no reflection in the mirror, dressed as a desk clerk. "You can't be here," warns the cop. The desk clerk tells him of course he can, he has to get the place ready, they're coming, all of them--"And we've each got our part to play... read more Muncie, Indiana - A cop drives up to the closed, creepy Elysian Fields Hotel. Walking through the place with a flashlight, calling hello, he passes a dead tulip plant that comes back to life. Looking at himself in a cracked mirror, someone comes up behind him who leaves no reflection in the mirror, dressed as a desk clerk. "You can't be here," warns the cop. The desk clerk tells him of course he can, he has to get the place ready, they're coming, all of them--"And we've each got our part to play, even you--you're dinner." He grabs the cop, and all we hear is a terrible scream. Blood splashes the broken mirror. read less

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Sam and Dean drive up to the now-beautiful, fully-operating Elysian Fields Hotel, impressed by what Dean calls "Nice digs for once." The desk clerk notes a shaving cut on Dean's neck, which he wipes with his hand--blood. Dean asks for a coffee shop, but is pointed to an all-you-can-eat buffet, with "the best pie in the tri-state area." Dean's delighted, and tells a guy who describes the buffet as heaven, "Trust me, pal, it's better." He tries to pick up a lovely lady nursing a drink sitting at ... read more Sam and Dean drive up to the now-beautiful, fully-operating Elysian Fields Hotel, impressed by what Dean calls "Nice digs for once." The desk clerk notes a shaving cut on Dean's neck, which he wipes with his hand--blood. Dean asks for a coffee shop, but is pointed to an all-you-can-eat buffet, with "the best pie in the tri-state area." Dean's delighted, and tells a guy who describes the buffet as heaven, "Trust me, pal, it's better." He tries to pick up a lovely lady nursing a drink sitting at a table with a "How YOU doin'?", but she sends him on his way with brusque NOs. Ten-four, cap'n, says Dean, shot down. Sitting across from Sam, Dean urges his brother to un-pucker, but Sam calls this storm Noah's Ark-biblical and prefers to leave. Given that Sam's only gotten three or four hours of sleep the entire week, Dean wants him to relax--Bobby's got feelers out, they have hoodoo folks and root women checking, too. Also, NOBODY is giving up! "Especially me," promises Dean--we'll find a way to beat the devil, find Adam and Cas, but you're no good to me burnt out--we have the night off, let's try to enjoy it. A waitress passes by, bearing drinks on a tray, and enters the kitchen, where a severed arm sits on the counter in a pool of blood. The brothers come across a couple kissing, pulling off each other's clothes, getting busy in front of the elevator. Dean enjoys the show, and Sam asks if he's 12. "Young at heart," says Dean. He loves the Rockefeller appeal of their room and eats the chocolates from his and Sam's pillows. There's CASA EROTICA 13 On Demand, to Dean's delight. Sam is suspicious--what's a four star hotel doing on a no-star highway? They hear the couple next door beginning a symphony of LOVE, then what sounds like two gunshots. They race into the room but find it empty, the only object remaining the wife's engagement ring (just like when Ava was kidnapped). They go downstairs to turn in the ring and are surprised to learn the honeymooners just checked out. Weird, says Sam, considering they were in the middle of something. The clerk asks if they need anything else, and when told no, declares that "super-fantastic." "Creepy," says Sam. "Broke the needle," agrees Dean. Dean tells Sam to keep his eye on Norman Bates while he checks out the hotel--"One night off, was that too much to ask?" Sam follows--and loses--the clerk, but feels a pinch on his neck and finds it bleeding a bit. Dean takes out his EMF meter and passes a room with an elephant in it. Wait. . .he backs up to the same room and instead finds a black man wrapping a towel around his waist. "This ain't no peep show, man!" says the irritated fella, slamming the door. In another room, a handsome man, Baldur, fastens a necklace around the throat of Kali, the woman Dean tried to pick up. He kisses her throat, his hands intimately wrapped around her waist, near her breasts. He calls her beautiful, she calls him sweet--"I hate sweet," she adds. The desk clerk enters and clears his throat, interrupting them:" The last guest has arrived, he informs them, everything is ready--pantry's full, Winchesters suspicious but under control. The woman asks if he has their blood, and he appears in front of her in one second of motion, handing her two vials. "Boys never even knew what hit 'em," brags the clerk. "Thank you, Mercury," the woman says. "Let's get this show on the road," Baldur says. The woman holds up the blood, staring at it. In the empty lobby, Dean tells Sam he saw a full on Babar elephant in a room. They find the front doors locked. Everyone checks in, but they don't check out? wonders Dean. Think of how we got here, says Sam, a detour on I-90, a friggin' hurricane. . . We were led here, says Dean. Like rats in a maze, says Sam. Finding boiling red water on the kitchen stove, Dean pleads, "Please let it be tomato soup," but when he spoons it up, he gets two eyeballs and drops it in disgust, both brothers grossed out. "Motel hell," says Dean. They find the hotel guests locked in the freezer, begging to be let out. Sam reaches for his lock pick, but it's too late--there are men standing behind Dean, and he knows it. They are dragged to the Grand Ballroom, where, sitting around elegant tables are Ganesh, Odin, Kali, and Baron Samedi. "Something tells me this isn't a Shriners convention," Dean whispers to Sam. Mercury enters, wheeling in a silver platter. "Dinner is served," he announces, pulling off the cover. Everyone politely applauds, except Sam and Dean. It's the cop's head, eyes open in horror. A white spotlight shines on the brothers. Baldur says, "Ladies and gentlemen, our guests of honor have arrived." read less

This is a meeting of GODS, and the first ground rule is no slaughtering each other, contain your wrath, and keep your hands off local virgins, we're trying to keep a low profile, says Baldur. "We are so, so screwed," says Sam softly. The Judao-Christian apocalypse looms, and they must look to the future. They have bargaining chips--Michael and Lucifer's vessels. Any ideas, speak up, this is a safe room. Kill them, says one. The angels will only bring them back, says another. Odin says it's just ... read more This is a meeting of GODS, and the first ground rule is no slaughtering each other, contain your wrath, and keep your hands off local virgins, we're trying to keep a low profile, says Baldur. "We are so, so screwed," says Sam softly. The Judao-Christian apocalypse looms, and they must look to the future. They have bargaining chips--Michael and Lucifer's vessels. Any ideas, speak up, this is a safe room. Kill them, says one. The angels will only bring them back, says another. Odin says it's just a slap fight between angels, and he himself will end up eaten by a big wolf. He gets into an argument with the man who thinks the world will end up on the back of a giant turtle, and THAT guy promises to send Odin to Valhalla. Sam and Dean stand and try to exit, but a light fixture falls right in front of them, and Kali stands and orders them to stay. "We have to fight," she says, "the archangels, the only thing they understand is violence--this ends in blood--there is no other way--it's them or us. "With all due respect, ma'am," says Mercury, scared, "we haven't even tried talking to them." He begins to choke. Kali's companion stops her. "Who asked you?" she demands mildly. (These folks are just like children and they're GODS?) The doors burst open and GABRIEL enters. "Can't we all just get along?" he crows. Sam and Dean begin choking, then it stops. "Sam, Dean, it's always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?" Loki, says Baldur. "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail, says Gabriel. Why are you here? asks Baldur. To talk about the elephant in the room, says Gabe. Ganesh, the man Dean saw turn from elephant to man, starts to rise in anger. "Not you," says Gabriel, "the apocalypse--we can't stop it, gang, but first things first--the adults need to have a little conversation--check ya later." He snaps his fingers and sends the Winchesters out of the room. The brothers look at each other, flabbergasted. "Holy crap," says Dean. "Next time I say, 'Let's keep driving,' let's keep driving," says Sam. Yeah, next time, agrees Dean. They try to figure out their next move--bust out the folks in the freezer, kill a few gods along the way, if they're lucky. Gabriel joins them. "And when are you ever lucky?" he demands. "Bite me," says Dean. "Maybe later, big boy," says Gabriel. I shoulda know, this had your stink all over it, says Dean. Please, says Gabriel, I'm the Costner to your Huston, I'm here to SAVE your ass--those guys are either going to dust you or use you as bait, either way you're uber boned." Dean reminds him that a couple of months ago, he was telling them, "Play our roles--you were uber-boning us!" The end is still nigh, Gabriel assures them, Michael and Lucifer are going to dance the Lambada, but not tonight, not here. Why do you care? asks Dean. I don't, says Gabriel, but me and Kali had a thing, chick was all hands--what can I say, I'm sentimental? "Do they have a chance, lickin' Satan?" asks Sam. Really, Sam? asks Dean. Do you have a better idea, Dean? asks Sam. Lucifer is going to turn them into fingerpaint, says Gabriel, so let's get going while the going's good. Zap us out of here, says Dean. Kali's got you by the short and curlies, reports Gabriel, it's a blood spell, you boys are on a leash--it's time for a little of the old black magic--and he sprays his mouth with freshener. Dean says we're taking the hors d'oerves in the freezer with us. It's gonna be hard enough sneaking you mooks out of here, objects Gabriel. They called you Loki, says Dean, which means they don't know who you really are. I told you, I'm in Witness Protection, says Gabe. Do what we say or we reveal your true ID to the Legion of Doom, threatens Dean--they don't seem too pro-angel. Gabe says he'll take their tongues out so they can't speak, and their hands off so they can't write. People will be askin' why we're runnin' around with no hands, says Dean. "FINE!" says Gabe, beaten. Gabe goes to Kali with a red rose. She's disrobing, lighting candles, and orders him to leave. You always did play hard to get, says Gabe. I've moved on, she says. I've noticed, he says sarcastically--Baldur, REALLY? Balder's uncomplicated, she says. Sam and Dean must watch while another guest, a man with glasses who begged for their help from the freezer, is slaughtered, right on top of the hotel desk. Dean is all set to try to save him, but Sam stops him: "It's too late." Gabe pours champagne. "I never took you for the type," says Loki. "Romantic?" he asks. "Pathetic," she says. (ouch!) "You're the one who called me here," he says. "Because I thought you might take this seriously," she says. "Ship's sinking," he says, "screw this marble, let's go check out Pandora." She says it doesn't have to be like that. Afraid it does, he says, moving closer to her. If we fight? she asks. "You die," he says. "And what makes you such an expert?" she asks. I've tussled with those winged ass-monkeys once or twice, he says, Kali, no more tricks, I'm begging you, don't do this. I have to, she insists. "Can't blame me for trying," he says, gazing down sadly. (He really LOVES her!) Still love me? he asks. No, she says, but drags him toward her for a brutal kiss. Sam is trying desperately to open the freezer door, Dean behind him. One of the gods tosses Dean against the wall; the same one turns and chokes Sam against the freezer door. Still kissing Kali, Gabe reaches for the vials of the Winchesters' blood. Dean plunges a stake into the heart of the God strangling Sam (which I assume he got from Gabe). "Where the hell is Gabriel?" he asks as Sam recovers. Realizing what Gabe was about to do, Kali holds up bloody fingers. "You must take me for a fool," she says, "you are bound to me, Gabriel, now and forever." read less

Grand Ballroom - Sam and Dean are dragged back into the Ballroom, where Gabe is already seated. "How's the rescue going?" asks Dean. Gabe asks Kali how long she's known. "Long enough," she replies. "The Trickster has tricked us," she says. Gabe says her name, not wanting her to out him to all the others. She sits in his lap. "You have something I want," she says, running her fingers down his chest. She pulls out his AKK (angel killing knife), which she says comes from Gabriel. "OK, OK, so I got ... read more Grand Ballroom - Sam and Dean are dragged back into the Ballroom, where Gabe is already seated. "How's the rescue going?" asks Dean. Gabe asks Kali how long she's known. "Long enough," she replies. "The Trickster has tricked us," she says. Gabe says her name, not wanting her to out him to all the others. She sits in his lap. "You have something I want," she says, running her fingers down his chest. She pulls out his AKK (angel killing knife), which she says comes from Gabriel. "OK, OK, so I got wings, like Kotex," confesses Gabe, "that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer!" Kali accuses him of being a spy. Not a spy, a runaway, insists Gabe, and I'm trying to save you--I know my brother and he should scare the living crap out of you--you can't beat him!--I've skipped ahead, seen how this story ends. "Your story, not ours," says Kali, "westerners, I swear, the sheer arrogance!--you think you're the only ones on earth?--you pillage and butcher in your God's name, but you're not the only religion, and he's not the only God--now you think you can just rip the planet apart?--you're wrong--there are BILLIONS OF us--and we were here first. If anyone gets to end this world, it's me." She moves in very close, caressing Gabriel's face. "I'm sorry," she says, and thrusts the knife into his chest. Light blares from his eyes and mouth; a thunderclap fills the room. Sam and Dean look on in horror--Gabriel is dead. This is crazy, says Mercury. "They can die," says Kali, "we can kill Lucifer." Dean rises. "All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up," he says. "Are you out of your mind?" mutters Sam. "I'm out of options," whispers Dean, and to the gods says, "now on any other given day, I'd be doing my damnedest to kill you, you filthy, murdering chumps, but, hey, desperate times, so even though I'd like nothing better than to slit your throats, you dicks, I'm gonna help you ice the devil." He pours a drink for himself and continues, "and then we can all get back to ganking each other like normal--you want Lucifer? --dude's not in the Yellow Pages--but me and Sam, we can get him here--first you let those main courses go--then we talk--we can either take on the devil together or you lame-ass bitches can eat me--literally." Dean takes a sip of his drink. Later, Dean release the hostages, who run very quickly outside. He hears someone calling and finds Gabriel in the back seat of the Impala. He didn't give Kali his real sword!--"That thing can kill me." They have a fake made from a can of Diet Orange Slice. Kali likes Dean, says Gabe, so he should go in there, lift their plasma, and they can vamos. "No," says Dean, "hand over the real blade. Better yet, why don't you sac up and help us take down Lucifer?" "You can't be serious," says Gabe, "since when are you butt-buddies with a bunch of monsters?" Sam's idea was the best one, insists Dean, so unless you have a better idea? Good luck with that, says Gabe, me, I'm blowin' Jonestown--those lemmings want to run off a cliff, that's their business. "I can see right through you," says Dean, "the smart-ass shell, the whole I-could-give-a-crap thing, believe me, it takes one to know one--and maybe those freaks in there aren't your blood, but they are your family." "They just stabbed me in the friggin' heart!" Gabe reminds him." "Maybe, but you still give a crap about 'em, don't you?--They're gonna die in there without you," says Dean. "I can't kill my brother," says Gabriel. "Can't or won't," says Dean. When there is no reply, Dean says, "That's what I thought." Dean exits the car, giving Gabe much to chew on. (DEAN, DEAN, CAN YOU KILL YOUR BROTHER????) Sam tells Kali and the others that he's going to summon Lucifer, but needs them to "squeegee" something from his ribs. Breaking them would be easier, says Kali. Dean enters. "Show's over," he announces, "the sword's a fake--I hate to announce it to you, sister, but you've been tricked--Gabriel is still kicking." A man arrives to check in--Lucifer! (His face is peeling badly, looks like Nick is having even more trouble containing him than ever before.) read less

Mercury thanks Lucifer for coming; apparently he somehow summoned him. The way the talk is heading in there, it's insane! worries Mercury. "I never understood you pagans," says Lucifer, "such petty little things, always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind, no wonder you forfeited this planet to us--YOU are worse than humans, worse than demons, and yet you claim to be gods." With a couple of twists of his fingers, he kills Mercury. "And they call me prideful." In the Ballroom, lights... read more Mercury thanks Lucifer for coming; apparently he somehow summoned him. The way the talk is heading in there, it's insane! worries Mercury. "I never understood you pagans," says Lucifer, "such petty little things, always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind, no wonder you forfeited this planet to us--YOU are worse than humans, worse than demons, and yet you claim to be gods." With a couple of twists of his fingers, he kills Mercury. "And they call me prideful." In the Ballroom, lights are going crazy, and Baldur is wondering what's happening. In the hallway, Lucifer has left a swath of dead gods in his wake. "It's him," says Sam. "How?" asks Kali. "It doesn't matter," says Dean, "shazzam us out of here, wouldja?" "We can't," says Baldur. "Of course you can't," says Lucifer, entering the room, "you didn't say Mother May I? Sam, Dean, good to see you again." Baldur steps toward Lucifer. "Don't," Kali warns him. "You think you own the planet. . .what gives you the right?" demands Baldur, who rushes headlong at Lucifer. The latter shoves his hand straight through the god's body and out the other side. "No one gives us the right, we take it," says Lucifer, dropping Baldur's body to the floor. Kali's arms turn to flame. Sam and Dean run for cover as she sends a room-filling fireball at Lucifer, who catches fire for a moment, then shakes it off. Sam and Dean, hiding behind a table, check to make sure that the other is all right. They find Gabriel beside them. "Better late than never," he says. He hands something to Dean. "Guard this with your life," he orders and heads into the fray. Lucifer is about to kill Kali when Gabriel sends him crashing down on his ass. Rising painfully, his right arm covered with Baldur's blood, Lucifer faces his brother. "Luci, I'm home!" Gabe says cheerfully. Lucifer comes at him. "Not this time," warns Gabriel, holding his angel-killing knife up at his brother. He pulls Kali to her feet and slides his arm around her. "Guys, get her out of here!" he calls. Sam and Dean usher Kali out of harm's way. "Over a girl?" says Lucifer, disappointed--"I knew you were slumming, but I hope you didn't catch anything." "You are my brother, and I love you," says Gabe, "but you are a great big bag of dicks." "What did you just say to me?" demands Lucifer, the consummate pissed-off older brother, holding out HIS sword. "Look at yourself, boo hoo," whines Gabe, "Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up alla his toys! Play the victim all you want, but you and me, we know the truth--Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me--then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it, so all this is just a great big temper tantrum--time to grow up." Kali refuses to get into the Impala. "Just get in the car, princess," insists Dean, and she does. The storm continues. Lucifer mentions Michael. Screw him, says Gabriel, if he were here, I'd shiv his ass, too. You're being disloyal, accuses Lucifer. I'm loyal--to THEM, says Gabe. To these so-called gods? asks Lucifer. To people, says Gabe. Lucifer wants to know why his brother is willing to die for a pile of cockroaches. Because Dad was right, they are better than us, says Gabe. They are broken, flawed abortions, protests Lucifer. Gabe agrees with the flaws--but a lot of them try--to do better, to forgive--and you should see the Spearmint Rhino--I've been riding the pine for a long time, but I'm in the game now, and I'm not on your side OR Michael's--I'm on their's." "Brother, don't make me do this," pleads Lucifer. "No one makes us do anything," says Gabriel. "I know you think you're doing the right thing," says Lucifer, tears in his voice, "but I know where your heart truly lies." Lucifer turns, where the REAL Gabriel stands behind him, and shoves his knife into his chest, hurting, but not killing him. "Here," whispers Lucifer. The fake Gabriel he'd been talking to all this time disappears. Grabbing his brother by the head, Lucifer says, "Amateur hocus-pocus, don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother." He plunges the knife into his heart. White light explodes from Gabriel's mouth and eyes, thunder crashes. Lucifer regretfully gazes down on his brother, and this time we know it's for real, because as the camera pans upward, we see Gabriel's beautiful black wings spread out, in death, on either side of him, just as we saw Zachariah's last week. read less

CASA EROTICA 13 - We tune in to the beginning of a porn film, which Dean and Sam are watching on their computer in the middle of nowhere on top of the Impala. After a disclaimer that everyone in the movie is over 18 and have consented to being photographed, a young blond gal dressed in black stiletto heels and black bra and panties is writing in her diary about her job as a high powered business executive. Sam wonders why Gabriel wanted Dean to guard THIS with his life. No idea, says Dean, altho... read more CASA EROTICA 13 - We tune in to the beginning of a porn film, which Dean and Sam are watching on their computer in the middle of nowhere on top of the Impala. After a disclaimer that everyone in the movie is over 18 and have consented to being photographed, a young blond gal dressed in black stiletto heels and black bra and panties is writing in her diary about her job as a high powered business executive. Sam wonders why Gabriel wanted Dean to guard THIS with his life. No idea, says Dean, although it IS a good one. The gal in the movie (room 69, ha ha!) gets room service from--Gabriel? She ordered Kielbasa, Hungarian. Gabe and the girl are just getting into things when he turns to the camera and speaks to Sam and Dean directly. He peels off the terrible mustache and says, "If you're watching this, I'm dead." He orders them to stop sobbing, but does say without him, they have zero shot at killing Lucifer, but, they can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from is still down there, and maybe you can shove his ass back in. You gotta get the cage open, trick my bro back into it, and avoid Michael and the God Squad. Details, right? Here's the big secret--Lucifer himself doesn't even know--but the key to the cage--four keys--from the four Horsemen--get 'em all, you got the cage. Can't say I'm betting on you boys, but I've been wrong before. The blond begins gnawing on Gabe's ear. Dean, you were right, I was afraid to stand up to my brother, but not anymore--so this is me, standing up--and this is me lying down. Gabriel falls on top of the blond and they start to moan and groan as things become passionate. Disgusted, Sam closes the laptop. The brothers take inventory--they already have the rings from War and Famine (we never saw that taken, did we)? "All we need is Pestilence and Death," says Dean. "Is that all?" says Sam sarcastically. "It's a plan," says Dean firmly. They climb into the car and drive off. Meanwhile, in another state, a man driving a really crappy car stops in front of a tiny store where the proprietor is observing a giant, buzzing fly on his counter. He's just about to swat it when the man, sneezing disgusting gobs of mucus all over the place, enters. He makes sure to rub it all over everything he touches. The newspaper warns of a bad flu strain going around. There are now more flies in the store, and the proprietor mutters, "What the hell?" The customer picks up a box of medication called Flu Arrest to examine and sneezes his mucus all over that. He holds it up to the proprietor and asks if these make you sleepy, "I've got a lot of driving to do." He's assured those are OK. The man proceeds to sneeze in the proprietor's face, getting his germs all over the poor man's glasses, too. Coughing heavily, the customer exits, now grinning. As he climbs into his car, we see his Nevada license plate, which reads SIKN TRD. His hand on the wheel shows his class ring. He takes off, his car filling with thousands of buzzing, undoubtedly deadly, flies. read less

Credits